”“We have a party for my class in two weeks. Maybe I’ll try being nice!”“You need to start long before the party,” I said. “Be nice to the girls all the time. It’s worked with your sister, hasn’t it?”“Yes, but my friends will tease me if I’m nice.”“Well, isn’t a little teasing worth it if you get what you want from the girls?”He smiled and nodded. By then we’d come to the Hovås stop and we got off the bus.“Well, girls, which is it? Did you decide, or do we all three do it together?” I smirked.Petra asked, “Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”“Yes.”“Sofia’s parents are out, so you should go with her tonight. Come to my house for lunch tomorrow, OK?”“Lunch, Petra?” I smirked.“Yes, Steve, lunch!” she giggled.I was actually happy with the result. I really needed what Sofia had to offer. And I knew, if push came to shove, I’d pick her and deal with the consequences. In the end, without trying to be crass, Petra wasn’t more than a convenient dalliance, much like Mary Harrison had been, except. Suddenly, I found myself looking at some kind of fork in a road. There were three paths. The one pointing to the left read: Security. The one pointing to the right read: Struggle. The middle one looked as if it zigzagged across the other two, and the sign read: Becoming. I knew I was offering myself a choice. I knew the path of Struggle, and part of me wanted to vent at Todd for daring to call me a whore. A deep part of me wanted to vent at him all the time since we lost our son. Maybe, I looked for excuses to vent instead of cry. Yet, both venting and crying over a loss so many years ago does nothing to ignite passion. It may have endangered Todd’s self-confidence around assuring my happiness, and therefore threatened his virility. I knew the path of Security. I could avoid confrontation and pretend that he had misunderstood my question. I could act as if I never heard him say that word to me. Yes, I could merely remain silent. That is the way Todd usually responded to problems..
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